I'm Lovin' It!

I had my second acupuncture session today and I loved it! I think I was a bit nervous with the first session and didn't relax as I should but this time was so much better and I actually fell asleep! Very glad that I decided to have acupuncture in the end. I walked out feeling refreshed and confident and ready for anything!

Wow, I really am feeling great! I'm excited and only a little nervous. Can't wait for the first follie scan on Friday. I don't want to think about what we'll see, I'll deal with it when we get there. I'm sticking to my "One step at a time" rule!

Gonal F still giving me headaches but it will be so worth it when I finally get my BFP!!

Can't wait!!

Who knows?

In the weeks leading up to the start of this, our first IVF cycle, I was struggling with the question “Who do we tell?”

Who do we tell that we are infertile and have to turn to technology to give us what our hearts so greatly desire?

On the one hand I wanted to tell everyone so that we have all the support we need during which is sure to be a very stressful time. On the other hand, do we really want everyone bugging us with all the questions that are bound to arise?

So whom have I told?

My Mom - Yes, she does tend to over exaggerate most of the time and she was the first to say “You’re probably not doing it right” when I first announced that we’re struggling to conceive. Yes, she is not very sensitive about the fact that we are infertile but that’s just her way of dealing with it, just pretend like it doesn’t exist. But she is my mom, my best friend and I wanted her to know.

My Dad – I haven’t told him but I gathered he knew because my mom told him. We’ve never been very close and recent events in their marriage drew us even further apart. I don’t mind that he knows. My mom could never keep secrets anyway.

My Sister – I haven’t told her either. I don’t even know if my mom told her. Not that I don’t want her to know…. We’re just not that close and things have been kind of strained between us lately. Besides, she has 2 kids of her own. The first a surprise pregnancy the other “planned” according to her but we’re pretty sure it was another surprise. I love my sister, brother in law, nephew and niece to bits but I just don’t think they’ll get it.

My Boss – Again, he has no idea. Although he is a very good family friend and my boss he doesn’t need to know. I’m fortunate enough to work from home so all doctor’s appointments, scans etc go by under the radar.

My In Laws – I guess I should title this list “whom have we not told” because my in laws don’t know either. I would’ve loved to tell them. They are such caring people and very excited about their first grandchild. From what I gather it took them 4 years to conceive my husband but hubby doesn’t want to tell them. They’re not to clued up on technology so probably won’t understand and might ask too many questions. I can’t wait to surprise them with the announcement of their grandchild soon!

Friends – Of our “real life friends” one or two know that we are “trying but it’s taking a while” Of my close friends only one really knows all the details but we barely see each other so it’s easy to just share it all over e-mail.

Forum Friends – I’m very fortunate to have a lot of great forum friends. Friends whom I can share all the sordid details of our journey with and they will always be there to support me every step of the way. They know about the upcoming IVF and the support I receive from them is overwhelming! To all you Superwomen…. Thank You for being and incredible bunch of ladies! The bestest friends and best support system anyone could ask for!

First 2 shots of Gonal F done. I hope my ovaries are working hard at creating all those follies because these headaches better be worth it!

xx

THIS IS IT!!!!

DAY 1 !!!!

The first day of the cycle that will change our lives forever!

I am surprised that AF did in fact show up right on schedule. In the back of my mind I was expecting another 16 day LP and wasn't sure if my chart was correct and if I did ovulate on CD13 but I guessed right (much to Doctor S's amazement) and Day 1 is finally here.

On Sunday (Day 3 of cycle) I will start with my first stimulation injections called Gonal F. This will stimulate my ovaries to develop loads of follicles which means loads of eggs! Doctor S says we're hoping for at least 10.

This is what it looks like....

                

Quite cool  hey? It looks just like a pen. Supposed to be easy to use but it freaks me out. Give me a needle anytime but this thing looks so complicated.... thank goodness for YouTube where I managed to find an instruction video.

I will continue with the Gonal F for 6 days (From Day 3 to Day 8) I will then have a follicle scan on Day 8, will get an injection of Cetrotide that shuts down my regulating hormones to prevent my body from ovulating and then it's up to us to keep the follies growing with more Gonal F and some Menopur.

I honestly cannot believe that this is happening to us! This morning could have been the last morning that I had the thermometer in my mouth and the last AF for quite a few months!!

We are closer to our little miracle than we have ever been!!

Please God let this really be IT!

Relaxed?

Ahhhhh, so I had my first acupuncture session this morning! After getting terribly lost in the Southern Suburbs, I managed to find the place 5 mins before my appointment.

Started off with a whole bunch of questions and it was amazing what she knew about me just by chatting. From my history, the look of my tongue and the feel of my Chi (hehe) she feels that our main cause for not conceiving is implantation problems. She senses a lot of stagnant blood around my uterus and says that my endometrial lining isn't good for implantation because of the poor blood flow. SO.... this is exactly what we will be focusing on in the next few sessions. Have to get my blood flowing!

She also advised that I have to do some form of exercise like walking 30min a day - have been very bad with this and even worse now that it is winter! But I'll have to put on my warmest tracksuit and set out to explore our neighborhood!

After the question and answer session she started with the acupuncture. Didn't feel the needles at all and felt quite uhm normal. I don't know, maybe I was expecting an out of body experience? I was freezing so she covered me with a few blankets and even put a warm bean bag under my feet. Then I just lay there for 25mins.

I wouldn't say I feel any different or more relaxed but I do believe that it will have a positive effect.

After that I was off to the pharmacy where I parted with an envelope full of cash :( It felt quite surreal walking out there with a package filled to the brim with injections! Which are now eagerly awaiting first use on Sunday!

2 Days to go. Aunt Flow -  PLEASE show on time on Friday!!

1 + 1 = 3 ?

Okay, so I'll admit it....

My countdown has been a bit screwed :) Technically it is 3 days to go today (1. Tuesday, 2. Wednesday, 3. Thursday, then AF on Friday - if she shows on time!)

I've been cheating myself by counting one day less.... so 3 days today! LOL

Tomorrow morning I'm off to my first Acupuncture session - looking forward to it. Then it's off to the Pharmacy for my meds.

Kitty - after reading your blog post I stumbled upon this cartoon.... Hope you don't mind!

The Climb

I'm a HUGE fan of any kind of music and you will almost always catch me with my iPod singing at the top of my lungs while I'm cleaning the house or doing the washing or just lazing around (never with DH around because he is convinced it's making me deaf!) When I'm happy... I sing, When I'm sad .... I sing, When I just need a little pick me up... I sing!

So I want to post these lyrics because it's given me so much inspiration, to keep pushing on, to not give up and to keep dreaming!

Infertility is my mountain and I WILL make it move!

The Climb

I can almost see it

That dream I'm dreaming but

There's a voice inside my head saying,

You'll never reach it,

Every step I'm taking,

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking but I

I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an up-hill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down but

No I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I gotta be strong

Just keep pushing on

Cause...

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an up-hill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

Keep on moving

Keep climbing

Keep the Faith

I received my protocol and script from my Doctor today so we're well on our way! I get butterflies everytime I think about it!

3 days!!!!

It's Back!!

My Positivity that is :)

I should just listen to my own advise! In my list of "Tips to survive IVF" I touched on 2 very important points:

Take it one step at a time! What's the use of stressing about how many eggs I'll have or how many embies we'll have to put in? There's absolutely nothing I can do about it so I put my Faith in God and trust that He will guide us through this.

Then the most important of it all! Try and let the control go!!
(I must remember that everything right now is totally out of mycontrol. I cannot control my period, my ovaries, my follicles, my retrieval or transfer dates, fertilization of my embryos, implantation and whether or not my cycle will be successful. I have to TRUST my doctor and the team. They are doing everything they can do to make this cycle successful. They want to get me pregnant too!)

So after my pep talk I'm ready for the weekend! This is where we will be spending it:

Bliss!!

Seven, 7 , Sewe!!

Gosh, the nerves are really starting to get to me now.... Can't believe there are just 7 days.... One week.... before we start the journey that will change our lives FOREVER!

The doubts and What-If's are milling around in my head even though I'm doing my best to block them out. What if I don't produce enough eggs? What if there is something wrong with DH's sample? What if the eggs don't fertilise? What if we go through all of this and it's a BFN? Arrgghhhh.... I miss my Positive spirit!

Have to get it back!

10 Days to GO GO GO!!

Seems like I hit the fast forward button from 16 days to 10 days to go! According to my chart I ovulated on CD13, a day earlier than usual and if my LP is 14 days then AF should be here on the 25th!!

Of course now it feels like time is standing still. I'm sure it will be here before I know it but it would be great if I could close my eyes and we could start tomorrow!  I've been daydreaming about that positive pregnancy test, my growing belly, how we would cope with twins, joking about names and planning the nursery! A tiny bit of doubt wants to creep in now and then but as soon as it does I block it out! This HAS to work. It WILL work!

I have my 1st acupuncture session coming up next Wednesday. Quite nervous about it but that's because it's quite a drive to get there and I have to leave home at 6h30 to be there at 8h00 (Cape Town Traffic!!) Otherwise I am looking forward to it. Vicky Hindmarch is a very well known acupuncturist and has even been mentioned in the book So Close by Tertia Albertyn. Everyone speaks very highly of her so I'm sure I will be in great hands!

Almost down to single figure countdown!!

xx

WhooHoo!

Finally got my AMH test results (more than a week later!)

Doctor S says it is VERY good  and that it means I have a VERY good chance of pregnancy through IVF.

YAY! Getting more excited every day!

Counting down the days! 16 to go!

I'm on CD12 of my last cycle before IVF. Ovulation is around the corner, last chance for that miracle natural conception! Although I am not pinning my hopes on it and taking it very easy this cycle. I am temping but just so that I know how long this cycle will be.

In about 10 days I will get the script for all my meds and will then have to fork out the R10k! If I have a normal cycle this month then there are 16 days to go before we start!! WhooHoo! I can't wait. I'm so freekin excited and strangely not nervous at all, maybe it will still hit me?

I've been quite lazy the last few days and very tired. Struggling to get out of bed in the morning but it's probably just because it's so cold.

Have to get my A into G and start my IVF Hints &Tips list. Going to start it here and update this post as I gather more info.

Tips to "survive" an IVF cycle and hopefully get a successful outcome:

(1) Pamper yourself! Do whatever it is you need to do to make this manageable for you. (Naps, backrubs, favorite foods, etc. Be very good to yourself during this time.)

(2) Rest is very important, even before transfer. All those developing eggs are taking up a lot of space and energy.

(3) Positive Visualization - Picture the outcome you want, and focus on it. Imagine your embies dividing, implanting and growing.

(4) Eat Fresh pineapple including the core (but not too much) - Cut up a fresh pineapple into 5 servings, and have one serving per day. (Not sure if I'll do this again, Pineapple gives me terrible heartburn)

(5) Sleep on your left side - okay, I read this and thought it was the hokiest thing I'd read thus far. Apparently, sleeping on your left takes pressure off of some organs or arteries or something (yeah, I was obviously paying close attention to the reasoning), but the whole point is that it is supposed to increase circulation to the babes.

(6) Sex before ET - The idea is that there's something in semen that's good to encourage implantation or sticking or something (I bet it was a DH that came up with this one!) Don't try this after ET - uterine contractions then are bad.

(7) No caffeine for as long as you can muster, but especially in the week before and in the week after transfer. Stay away from chocolate. (Note though that white chocolate isn't really "chocolate" so have at it if you must have something sweet and fruit isn't gonna do it for you!)

(8) No alcohol. That's a given.

(9)  Have a good support system and USE them. It can be very comforting to find someone, either in cyberspace or in person, that is in a similar situation (factor, cycle) that you can share stories and progress with. (Got this one covered - thanks to my friends in the computer!)

(10) Increasing your consumption of fiber and fluids as you approach egg retrieval may help alleviate constipation.

(11) Don't talk to your partner too much about his role. This may cause him extra anxiety during an already stressful time and the extra stress can aggravate the performance anxiety that men suffer on the day of retrieval.

(12) Stay active without overdoing it.

(13) Acupuncture - Most important on day of or day after ER.

(14) Take it one day at a time!

(15) Try and stay OFF the internet. You will become obsessed with every little thing and it will stress you more.

(16) Try and remember that everything right now is totally out of your control. You cannot control your period, your ovaries, your follicles, your blood test levels, your retrieval or transfer dates, fertilization of your embryos, implantation and whether or not your cycle will be successful and you'll become pregnant. Try and let the control go. Trust your doctor and the team. They are doing everything they can do to make your cycle successful. They want you to get pregnant too!

To be updated....

Thoughts & Prayers

I want to dedicate todays post to a special Super Women.

My thoughts and prayers are with Megan and her little baby Savannah today. Megan's husband tragically passed away Sunday morning in a motor vehicle accident. The funeral service is today at 2pm.

I only know Megan through a chat forum but my heart goes out to her and her family during this incredibly difficult time.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal"

Green Light for IVF!

Wow... what a busy weekend!

AF showed up bright and early Saturday morning so only about 25days to go to the start of our IVF cycle!

Went to a wedding Saturday night, was a bit worried about hubby drinking at the wedding but he was such a darling and really behaved himself. He had a few drinks but it was nothing compared to his friends that went home totally sloshed! Love him to bits!

Left the wedding just after 1am, got into bed at 2am and had to get up at 7am to help my parents move. Good thing I didn't have a hangover! I was dead tired Sunday so after we moved what we could I got into bed at 18h30 and only got up at 6h30! Bliss!

Had my blood tests done Monday morning (AMH, FSH, LH and Prolactin) The rest of the day was spent helping my parents unpack. Got a call from the FS later to say that he got some of my results. FSH is a bit high at 10 (normal is 1-10) LH & Prolactin was totally normal. Still waiting for AMH test results.

We had our IVF consult this afternoon and it went well. We have the green light to go ahead next cycle! He didn't exactly tell us anything we didn't know yet but it was good to have a chat to him. Explained the process, how many follicles they'd like to see at the scans, how many eggs they'd like to retrieve and all that. I asked him about the acupuncture and he said it isn't necesary but it can't do any harm. Still deciding whether I'm going to go though.

He isn't worried about my FSH being 10 but is interested to see what the AMH results are, not sure when we'll get those.

So that's about it for today. Been a busy few days. I'm dead tired and haven't had time to visit my favourite forums, feel so out of the loop!  I'm so not used to getting home after 18h00 and still have to cook and clean and all that. I thank my lucky starz that I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home!

Now for some much needed sleep!